I’ve always been confused as to what attracts me. I’m fairly certain that there are somethings that I find attractive such as hip bones (therefore midsection, and lower back), but I do have a theory about what makes me actually attracted to someone when I see them in any normal situation (sense normally I don’t really see midsections and backs). I think that most of what I call attraction is actually a form of jealousy. When I see any girl that I would give almost anything to look like, I say that they are cute or hot. I will admit that I feel at least some degree of jealousy whenever I see any girl, but whenever I see one that just looks so perfectly like how I want to be I call it attraction. I don’t normally want to date them or screw them (ya that almost never happens) or anything really, but I do have an uncontrollable desire to be them, or to have that body. I don’t know if this is normal or not. I do know that I am not very sexual at all and it would make sense for me to be less into people than normal. With that this explanation makes sense, and I could have simply been taught that it’s the feel or “attraction”, but I feel as though this is not a normal way to view the world. What do you think?
This is a look inside my head. A look at myself.
In reality this is Susan Coffey, some model I found photo’s of on stumbleupon. It does also serve my purpose of giving you an idea of what goes on in my head a lot of the time. I know this is quite a stereotypical desire and I quite honestly can’t explain it. I really just want to be small and innocent, safely asleep in the arms of someone I love. I want my fair skin ward off pimples, yet keep smooth and soft with a little help. I want to be one of the short people that gets carried around frequently. I want to be comforted with strokes through my hair. I want to be treated as though I could break with the most gentle of rough-housing. I want to have some hips to actually dance with, yet still be yelled at for being too skinny. I want no one to be able to see my strength. I want to be coveted. I want my curves to be visible from across the street. I want my voice to sing softly every time I speak. I want no one to question my gender no matter what I wear, and especially if I’m not wearing anything. I don’t want to be “inside” anyone, I want someone inside me, but only once and please plastic not meat (haha). I want to be able to wear tight clothes and not look gross. I just want to be who I’ve always been but have never been able to be.